When I first moved to the city, I felt a sense of isolation that only grew over time. I was embarrassed to admit the fact that I had yet to make any close friends here, and even more embarrassed to admit that I desperately wanted them. I’ve always been fairly introverted, and up until last year, didn’t spend much time outside of school with more than 1 or 2 of my best friends. Besides, I told myself, I was so busy with school, I didn’t even need anybody here…right? Maybe not.

Turner’s Social Identity Theory is frequently referenced both in psychology and business contexts. It states that individuals define themselves, in part, by the groups they belong to. While I have maintained many of my relationships from back home, there’s no doubt our dynamics have changed now that we so rarely see each other in person. After being physically separated from the group I once belonged to, I began to lose touch with my sense of self. Not only did my disconnect from my friend group impact my sense of identity, it also affected my mental health due to a lack of social support.

Social support is defined in the 2021 annual review of psychology as a crucial psychological resource, especially when navigating intense life changes, such as losing a loved one, starting a new career, or, in my case, moving away from home. While changes in personal relationships are expected with such a transition, it is also expected that one forms new social groups within their new environment. Though I have managed to form some close friendships here, it took me nearly 6 months to do so. During that time, prior to these sources of social support, I definitely noticed a decline in my mental health. A 2017 study found that students who had lost connection with even one of their social groups had a 23% higher chance of meeting the criteria for clinical depression compared to those who had not.

Ironically, I feel like my friendships here only truly started to blossom as I accepted being alone. As I furthered my own relationship with myself, I started living more authentically without even realizing it. I had become so much more sure of who I was and that made it so much easier to present my true self to others. I was speaking with my good friend Lizz and she worded my situation in a way that really struck me.

“These people were the center of your world, and when you were removed from them, instead of your world just ending, YOU learned to be the center of your world, and that includes all of us in it…”

My paraphrasing may not entirely do her justice but I think she really cracked the code of what this journey has been all about.